Tuesday, February 2, 2010

From the Archives IV

[I had quite honestly forgotten that I had written this - it was actually on my MySpace, of all things - which means that this was written back before I became fairly serious (in some respects) about blogging, since MySpace had a sort of blogging function, and it worked at the time.

Anyway, this was...This was a project, as mentioned below, for a friend/teammate of mine and her battle with leukemia. And there are things in here that are worth saying, especially about fulfillment and what matters to you as a person, in your life and around you. And it's quite evident that you see my voice, but it's not as....refined, as I've more or less become since then. There's good things in there. You just...might have to unpack a little.]

June 17, 2008

I feel like there's so much running through my head right now. I'm going to graduate from high school in a matter of days (I'm not bothering with weeks anymore) and that itself is a large step. My head is filled with those thoughts and everything that has been my life for the past 12 years. Trust me, it's a lot. There's so much and while some of it isn't very good or whatever, there's still a lot. It's almost like, after you walk across that stage, it's a permanent part of your past - something that's there and you remember, but can't go revisit. It's over and done with. It's a page in a book that's been laminated; viewable but unable to be edited. It's weird.

My friend, also my hero, Marika, she's home from being in the hospital battling leukemia. Her teammates, her WAZA sisters, we're making her a book with each page dedicated to the words that define WAZA. That define us.

W - Wisdom

A - Awareness

Z - Zen

A - Application

F - Fulfillment

L - Liberation

O - Oneness

I was given the page of fulfillment. You might think it's easy; look up the definition, find something that fits that, fits what you do with soccer and WAZA, and something that fits Marika's journey through cancer. It's not as easy as it sounds. I had to look for what fulfillment actually is, how I see it and feel it. Three hours and many steps of the gorge later, I have an idea of what fulfillment means to me. It's being happy; doing the things that you enjoy, being with the people who bring out the best in you, and just being who you are, even if it's a little crazy and all the actual tourists look at you funny. It's looking at the beauty in nature and seeing certain reflections in yourself. It's listening to piano music that makes you want to cry because you can just imagine what it would be like, listening to the music and hearing the speeches at graduation about how everybody is remembering the past but moving on to bigger and better things. It's listening to music from RENT because it speaks to you and fits perfectly the fact that you're balancing on ancient stone ledges in a natural gorge with swiftly running water at the bottom. It's connecting yourself to your world, the one inside your head and body and soul and the one that Mother Earth has created. And it's realizing just how you are, just who you are. The lens of the camera that you use on that journey is the one of truth. The pictures that will follow are who we are how it was today trying to find fulfillment in so many ways.

It's about listening to music, taking pictures, and realizing that there's more to life than what you're taught in school and see everyday. There is something to be said for saying "screw it" and doing what you want to do, simply because it makes you happy. That's fulfillment.

Fulfillment = Happiness = Spontaneuity = Being Yourself = Love = Life

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"The difference between life and the movies is that a script has to make sense, and life doesn't."

-Joseph L. Mankiewicz