Tuesday, February 9, 2010

She. Wouldn't. Dare.

I have, for probably the first time in my life, my academic things truly under control. I feel good, I get sleep, and I'm on top of my homework. This is a pleasant place to be. I like being like this. And when something threatens this hard-fought peace of mind, it leaves me ample room to raise my hackles, shake out my claws, and snarl. Especially when it's a blast from the proverbial past.

Long story short (I'm trying, really) is that when I went to college two summers ago, I broke up with my boyfriend (we were off and on for three years). Less than two months later I receive word that not only has he got a new girlfriend, he's apparently proposed to her. Okay. That was a little tough to handle. So was the moronic move on my part to let them visit me at college when they asked. I'm a nice person, which, can sometimes come back to bite me in the ass. I even - eventually - was okay with the prospect of them maybe having a kid. There were rumors she was pregnant. I'm good with this now. I'm good with where life as led me since then, and I'd like to think that I'm doing just fine (some days more, some days less, but that's life, too). I'm even okay with them both being at the community college literally half an hour down the road because, hey, I don't run the risk of running into them anywhere on my campus. For that, I'm golden.

If I'm as a golden as I say I am, why am I bringing this up?

When I opened my computer to check my email, Twitter, and Facebook - maybe do some IMing with my sister before she left work for home - I see there is a notification box on my desktop from AIM. From her screen name.

Hell. No. (It actually wasn't a hell that went through my head, but I like to try and keep my blog somewhat clean, so this is what you get.)

I am happy with where I am in life. I am happy to be where I am, and the people that I surround myself with, and there is no. Way. In. Hell. Are. They. Coming. Anywhere. Near. Me.

My compassion and goodwill only go so far. And, at this time in my life, it doesn't include them. If you think I should be giving them a chance, burying the hatchet and extend the olive branch, I don't need the drama in my life, and they carry drama like a second skin. I neither want nor need it, truthfully. I've got no problem with burying the hatchet, persay, but give me the olive branch and if they come within reach, I'm gonna start whacking.

I am stronger for the trials that I have faced, the paths that I have walked, and though sections have been dappled in shadows and others in pure sunlight, I have wandered both and come out the other side for the better.

Case and point: I'm freakin' happy, and I'm not going to throw it away even if it's the civil thing to do in this particular case.

Even the Wandering Sagittarius has her limits.
"The difference between life and the movies is that a script has to make sense, and life doesn't."

-Joseph L. Mankiewicz