(This is the second half of the amazing poster that I have in my room. And Murphy's words of wisdom. Remember: He was an optimist. Again, bold ones indicate favorites.)
If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.
90% of everything is crud.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
Never eat prunes when you are famished.
Nature is a mother.
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
There is always one more bug.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
The bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
If everything seems to be going well, then you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression.
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.
Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.