[I had quite honestly forgotten that I had written this - it was actually on my MySpace, of all things - which means that this was written back before I became fairly serious (in some respects) about blogging, since MySpace had a sort of blogging function, and it worked at the time.
Anyway, this was...This was a project, as mentioned below, for a friend/teammate of mine and her battle with leukemia. And there are things in here that are worth saying, especially about fulfillment and what matters to you as a person, in your life and around you. And it's quite evident that you see my voice, but it's not as....refined, as I've more or less become since then. There's good things in there. You just...might have to unpack a little.]
June 17, 2008
I feel like there's so much running through my head right now. I'm going to graduate from high school in a matter of days (I'm not bothering with weeks anymore) and that itself is a large step. My head is filled with those thoughts and everything that has been my life for the past 12 years. Trust me, it's a lot. There's so much and while some of it isn't very good or whatever, there's still a lot. It's almost like, after you walk across that stage, it's a permanent part of your past - something that's there and you remember, but can't go revisit. It's over and done with. It's a page in a book that's been laminated; viewable but unable to be edited. It's weird.
My friend, also my hero, Marika, she's home from being in the hospital battling leukemia. Her teammates, her WAZA sisters, we're making her a book with each page dedicated to the words that define WAZA. That define us.
W - Wisdom
A - Awareness
Z - Zen
A - Application
F - Fulfillment
L - Liberation
O - Oneness
I was given the page of fulfillment. You might think it's easy; look up the definition, find something that fits that, fits what you do with soccer and WAZA, and something that fits Marika's journey through cancer. It's not as easy as it sounds. I had to look for what fulfillment actually is, how I see it and feel it. Three hours and many steps of the gorge later, I have an idea of what fulfillment means to me. It's being happy; doing the things that you enjoy, being with the people who bring out the best in you, and just being who you are, even if it's a little crazy and all the actual tourists look at you funny. It's looking at the beauty in nature and seeing certain reflections in yourself. It's listening to piano music that makes you want to cry because you can just imagine what it would be like, listening to the music and hearing the speeches at graduation about how everybody is remembering the past but moving on to bigger and better things. It's listening to music from RENT because it speaks to you and fits perfectly the fact that you're balancing on ancient stone ledges in a natural gorge with swiftly running water at the bottom. It's connecting yourself to your world, the one inside your head and body and soul and the one that Mother Earth has created. And it's realizing just how you are, just who you are. The lens of the camera that you use on that journey is the one of truth. The pictures that will follow are who we are how it was today trying to find fulfillment in so many ways.
It's about listening to music, taking pictures, and realizing that there's more to life than what you're taught in school and see everyday. There is something to be said for saying "screw it" and doing what you want to do, simply because it makes you happy. That's fulfillment.
Fulfillment = Happiness = Spontaneuity = Being Yourself = Love = Life
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Stand Up and Speak!
Now, I know that probably my most regular viewer is my sister, but just in case I get a few people from elsewhere, including my own college campus, I'm going to go ahead and post this, because, like Definition, not only did it need to be said, but people need to listen. There are real issues out there, that real girls/women face, and sometimes nobody wants to speak out about anything because it's like the subject is taboo. Like this is something that you know is going on, but you can't say anything because you don't want somebody looking sideways at you and wondering what issues you have that you aren't sharing.
This - This isn't about that. This is about raising awareness for those who might otherwise be clueless, and about saying that it's really okay to be different in any sense of the word. And when I get the lead out of my ass and write what's been rattling around in my head for quite a while, then you'll see what I mean a little clearer. Until then, there is this.
National Eating Disorder Awareness Week
Do I have one? No. Does this still impact me? Yes.
Girls - especially the younger ones - get pressured from the media and semi-unrealistic views of how women should look. That they shouldn't be a specific body type - pear, hour glass - and that they shouldn't have too man curves anywhere or else they're fat. Gross over-simplification? Probably. But that's the way that most of us females out here think. It takes a long time to be comfortable with the skin that you're wearing, and seeing images of women that you can wrap your entire hand around and still have room to spare is not helping them go through that transition stage that we all hit, when we start growing in odd places. And some of us are still waiting, in some respects.
NEDAW is about respecting yourself, and saying, This is how I am. This is me. And I am beautiful for the skin that I wear, but more importantly, for the person that I am. And when we start realizing this, then we can start helping girls who think that they need to always watch what they eat or if they've eaten too much, throw it up, as a culture. Perfection is not attainable for everyone has flaws. When we start realizing that perfection on an individual level is in our flaws, and our uniqueness, then we can make headway into getting those who need help, the right help.
And we do this by standing up and speaking out.
Thank you for listening. Now I hope that you speak.
This - This isn't about that. This is about raising awareness for those who might otherwise be clueless, and about saying that it's really okay to be different in any sense of the word. And when I get the lead out of my ass and write what's been rattling around in my head for quite a while, then you'll see what I mean a little clearer. Until then, there is this.
National Eating Disorder Awareness Week
Do I have one? No. Does this still impact me? Yes.
Girls - especially the younger ones - get pressured from the media and semi-unrealistic views of how women should look. That they shouldn't be a specific body type - pear, hour glass - and that they shouldn't have too man curves anywhere or else they're fat. Gross over-simplification? Probably. But that's the way that most of us females out here think. It takes a long time to be comfortable with the skin that you're wearing, and seeing images of women that you can wrap your entire hand around and still have room to spare is not helping them go through that transition stage that we all hit, when we start growing in odd places. And some of us are still waiting, in some respects.
NEDAW is about respecting yourself, and saying, This is how I am. This is me. And I am beautiful for the skin that I wear, but more importantly, for the person that I am. And when we start realizing this, then we can start helping girls who think that they need to always watch what they eat or if they've eaten too much, throw it up, as a culture. Perfection is not attainable for everyone has flaws. When we start realizing that perfection on an individual level is in our flaws, and our uniqueness, then we can make headway into getting those who need help, the right help.
And we do this by standing up and speaking out.
Thank you for listening. Now I hope that you speak.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
Words of Wisdom from My Buddy Murphy II
(This is the second half of the amazing poster that I have in my room. And Murphy's words of wisdom. Remember: He was an optimist. Again, bold ones indicate favorites.)
If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.
90% of everything is crud.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
Never eat prunes when you are famished.
Nature is a mother.
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
There is always one more bug.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
The bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
If everything seems to be going well, then you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression.
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.
Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
If you're feeling good, don't worry, you'll get over it.
90% of everything is crud.
All warranties expire upon payment of invoice.
Where you stand on an issue depends on where you sit.
Never eat prunes when you are famished.
Nature is a mother.
Don't mess with Mrs. Murphy!
There is always one more bug.
Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
Everything east of the San Andreas fault will eventually plunge into the Atlantic Ocean.
The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet.
The bird in hand is safer than one overhead.
If everything seems to be going well, then you obviously don't know what the hell is going on.
The light at the end of the tunnel is the headlamp of an oncoming train.
If more than one person is responsible for a miscalculation, no one will be at fault.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
Celibacy is not hereditary.
Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
To know yourself is the ultimate form of aggression.
Beauty is only skin deep, ugly goes to the bone.
When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.
You will remember that you forgot to take out the trash when the garbage truck is two doors away.
Murphy's Golden Rule: Whoever has the gold makes the rules.
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money.
There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Crashing Courses
It was on my drive to my teaching placement this morning that I realized, along with my normal college education, I was getting more than my fair share of crash courses in a variety of interdisciplinary topics.
We'll start with my crash course in Economics. Yes, this is part of my BIDS class, the one about two cities, but I haven't taken any economics since high school (Macro, my senior year, and it was a nightmare) so this week has been one hell of a chuck, duck, and run.
Even better: This coming week is the crash course in Sociology.
I'll be the first to admit that I don't have much experience driving in snow. Again, senior year of high school, when I first got my beloved Oldsmobile, dad would take a look out the kitchen window or the back door, and survey the road. He would then tell me, okay, give yourself a little extra time and drive slow, or, more often than not, he'd say, "Best trot your ass out to the mailbox, Binsk."
These past two mornings have been courses in winter driving on some pretty wonderful curves. There have been occasions when I was pretty sure I was going to put myself into the ditch, but you just need to remember to stay calm, keep two hands on the wheel, and stay in the pre-marked path that the poor bloke in front of you forged for you. If you panic - Fred ends up in the ditch. And you miss placement hours and have some explaining to do to mom and dad (which is after mom has said that if she has to put more money into said car, then said child is walking to said placement).
So, that's what the week has been like. Other than that - Louise is still happy, chill, and has a relatively low stress level. Also, she's contemplating taking a nap at the moment, because, uh, yeah, chemistry homework took until 2 this morning.
And did I mention it's Friday? It's Friday.
We'll start with my crash course in Economics. Yes, this is part of my BIDS class, the one about two cities, but I haven't taken any economics since high school (Macro, my senior year, and it was a nightmare) so this week has been one hell of a chuck, duck, and run.
Even better: This coming week is the crash course in Sociology.
I'll be the first to admit that I don't have much experience driving in snow. Again, senior year of high school, when I first got my beloved Oldsmobile, dad would take a look out the kitchen window or the back door, and survey the road. He would then tell me, okay, give yourself a little extra time and drive slow, or, more often than not, he'd say, "Best trot your ass out to the mailbox, Binsk."
These past two mornings have been courses in winter driving on some pretty wonderful curves. There have been occasions when I was pretty sure I was going to put myself into the ditch, but you just need to remember to stay calm, keep two hands on the wheel, and stay in the pre-marked path that the poor bloke in front of you forged for you. If you panic - Fred ends up in the ditch. And you miss placement hours and have some explaining to do to mom and dad (which is after mom has said that if she has to put more money into said car, then said child is walking to said placement).
So, that's what the week has been like. Other than that - Louise is still happy, chill, and has a relatively low stress level. Also, she's contemplating taking a nap at the moment, because, uh, yeah, chemistry homework took until 2 this morning.
And did I mention it's Friday? It's Friday.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Thankful on a Thursday
This is one of the reasons that I'm thankful. And it was almost a Wordless Wednesday post.
(You like my mother's new living room curtains, right? Right? Yes!?)
(You like my mother's new living room curtains, right? Right? Yes!?)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Wordless Wednesday
This must be a record for me. Another Wordless Wednesday post on an actual Wednesday. And in the same month, no less. So. I had a few to choose from, but because today has been exactly a week since I went back to school, I thought it would be fitting. So you get a view from the fourth floor corner.
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Things to Know VII
This is the fifth day of classes, and, unlike last semester, I still have all my hair, my stress level is below manageable, and I generally feel good about myself and the world.
I have not procrastinated yet this semester (except for the physics readings that are partially over my head, but that's being rectified this afternoon/evening).
I am in love with Neal Caffrey. This is the picture currently on my desktop. Courtesy of USA.
I have had a crash-course in Economics, courtesy of my BIDS class (Two Cities). It was rather frightening, and oddly reminiscent of my senior year of high school.
Next on the agenda is a crash-course in Sociology. Reminiscent of shades of Chep, from high school (though I never took it).
I synchronized my phone and my Twitter account, so that I now receive Twitter updates via text. And can text them. Now I can cause general mayhem wherever I go and report it, too.
I have what amounts to The Three Stooges (or a derivation of them) in my chemistry class and lab, including the guy with the horrible hair cut (or lack thereof, really) who witnessed my Moment of Brilliance. Probably explains why I can't look him in the eye (or look at his hair - I think it's longer than mine).
The girl who lives next door to me was creeped on yesterday afternoon on our own floor. There have been numerous meetings, one of those rather vague campus creeper alert emails, and they are now considering putting locks on our floor because we're an all women floor. Which would mean another key to look after.
Cinnamon Streusel Frosted Mini-Wheats make a pretty good afternoon/lunchtime snack.
I have a bright yellow note to myself on the back of my door that says the following: LOUISE!! If it's a MONDAY or a WEDNESDAY, do you have a SNACK in your bag? AND: Any day, do you have you NALGENE (either one) and/or your TRAVEL MUG for COFFEE/COCOA?
Said notice has been successful so far.
Murfee, the Focus, is currently dancing his little furry behind off on the rug. And tripped over the Timberlands and wound up in the hall.
I have started reading Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's A Study in Scarlet as a bedtime book.
A Study in Scarlet isn't even my book. It was one that I borrowed from LaM's shelf in her room my freshman year of high school and never bothered to return. I have no doubt in my mind that she knows I still have it, but she hasn't sent the hounds after me, and she hasn't showed up outside of my door demanding it back.
I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Sir Arthur, and also Jules Verne.
Speaking of Jules - I brought my large, heavy, wonderful A Collected Works of Jules Verne with me to college, as well. My favorites include Around the World in Eighty Days and A Journey of the Center of the Earth.
I'm planning either a movie night this Friday for everybody or I'm somehow convincing them to get out and about in the world and go ice skating. I am, however, not allowing them to be workaholic hermits on select Fridays and Saturdays.
My plan (yes, I actually have a semblance of one) is to have my work done for Monday and Tuesday on Saturday, so that Sundays are mine to do with as I wish, including, but not limited to staying in bed until I feel like it while watching cartoons I happen to find, reading whatever novel I'm reading, working on some of my projects (including Murphy and Me) and maybe editing/sending out things for my novel.
So, in the eternal words of my mother - I think I got a handle on it.
I have not procrastinated yet this semester (except for the physics readings that are partially over my head, but that's being rectified this afternoon/evening).
I am in love with Neal Caffrey. This is the picture currently on my desktop. Courtesy of USA.
I have had a crash-course in Economics, courtesy of my BIDS class (Two Cities). It was rather frightening, and oddly reminiscent of my senior year of high school.
Next on the agenda is a crash-course in Sociology. Reminiscent of shades of Chep, from high school (though I never took it).
I synchronized my phone and my Twitter account, so that I now receive Twitter updates via text. And can text them. Now I can cause general mayhem wherever I go and report it, too.
I have what amounts to The Three Stooges (or a derivation of them) in my chemistry class and lab, including the guy with the horrible hair cut (or lack thereof, really) who witnessed my Moment of Brilliance. Probably explains why I can't look him in the eye (or look at his hair - I think it's longer than mine).
The girl who lives next door to me was creeped on yesterday afternoon on our own floor. There have been numerous meetings, one of those rather vague campus creeper alert emails, and they are now considering putting locks on our floor because we're an all women floor. Which would mean another key to look after.
Cinnamon Streusel Frosted Mini-Wheats make a pretty good afternoon/lunchtime snack.
I have a bright yellow note to myself on the back of my door that says the following: LOUISE!! If it's a MONDAY or a WEDNESDAY, do you have a SNACK in your bag? AND: Any day, do you have you NALGENE (either one) and/or your TRAVEL MUG for COFFEE/COCOA?
Said notice has been successful so far.
Murfee, the Focus, is currently dancing his little furry behind off on the rug. And tripped over the Timberlands and wound up in the hall.
I have started reading Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's A Study in Scarlet as a bedtime book.
A Study in Scarlet isn't even my book. It was one that I borrowed from LaM's shelf in her room my freshman year of high school and never bothered to return. I have no doubt in my mind that she knows I still have it, but she hasn't sent the hounds after me, and she hasn't showed up outside of my door demanding it back.
I've always had a soft spot in my heart for Sir Arthur, and also Jules Verne.
Speaking of Jules - I brought my large, heavy, wonderful A Collected Works of Jules Verne with me to college, as well. My favorites include Around the World in Eighty Days and A Journey of the Center of the Earth.
I'm planning either a movie night this Friday for everybody or I'm somehow convincing them to get out and about in the world and go ice skating. I am, however, not allowing them to be workaholic hermits on select Fridays and Saturdays.
My plan (yes, I actually have a semblance of one) is to have my work done for Monday and Tuesday on Saturday, so that Sundays are mine to do with as I wish, including, but not limited to staying in bed until I feel like it while watching cartoons I happen to find, reading whatever novel I'm reading, working on some of my projects (including Murphy and Me) and maybe editing/sending out things for my novel.
So, in the eternal words of my mother - I think I got a handle on it.
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