Monday, February 6, 2012

Instructions Included?

Sometimes I wonder if there's a right way and a wrong way to do this whole college thing. Which is weird, because for a lot of stuff I could give three shits about whether or not I'm playing by the rules.

Let's back up because that opening couple of sentences wasn't entirely....coherent.

College is about academics. Earn a degree in something practical (hopefully) and have some fun along the way. And that's great until your GPA winds up in the toilet from the worst semester of your life and you're left with, well, a really obvious direction and some choices that don't really feel like choices. Well, I've picked a direction, made a plan, and have support for this Plan. And yes, it deserves a capital letter because not only is it that important, I don't want it to get confused with other, lesser plans that happen day to day. This is a sort of life Plan we're talkin' about.

Anyway. So I have a direction and I have a plan, and so far, technically speaking, I've been executing this plan very well. I have yet to procrastinate on work. I've done all my reading for all my classes, and homework and everything else has been handed in one time. This Wednesday will mark three full weeks into the semester, and I think this is the best shape that I've ever been in and I really, really want to keep it going. I know I can keep it going which has become the crucial difference between this semester and others.

It's not a problem to be that focused during the week. Really, it's not. But once I hit Friday and Saturday, that little part of my brain, that part we don't necessarily like to listen to - or the part that shouts at us relentlessly - can't help but start to eke out, Are you sure you're doing this right?

Granted, I'm not big on going out and partying - I never have been, truthfully - but as I look at my housemates spending time getting ready (and all that encompasses), my offer to drive them turns into something halfway between being nice and concerned, and wanting to feel involved.

I haven't gone out one weekend this semester. I'm a senior. Is there something wrong with that picture?

The overwhelming part of me wants absolutely no cause or consideration for a repeat of last semester and last semester's GPA. None at all. It wasn't a happy time. Considering most everyone I talk to comments on how much more relaxed I am, I'll take it that everybody else could see just how destructive the last four months of 2011 were. And I had to just ride it out, and hope to come out on top. But now, with this fresh start - which it has been - I'm more or less content with what I'm doing and what I've currently got.

Stay in on weekends. Stay in on nights when there's no soccer. Do homework during free time in afternoons. Go to bed before midnight during week.

All of the above is working. Life is working. College is working.

But am I missing something quintessential to the college life? I'm a senior. Technically I'll still be a senior next year, but shouldn't there be something more to what's going on? Theoretically this is the last hoorah. But it's not, really. Not for me. And maybe that's what's making the difference. I don't really know, which is, honestly, why I'm asking you people.

It's not so much as a case of the grass being greener, but just wondering, sitting here on a Sunday night (early Monday morning, now), if there's something I'm missing.

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"The difference between life and the movies is that a script has to make sense, and life doesn't."

-Joseph L. Mankiewicz