Saturday, April 9, 2011

Roads to Take

Or not to take, as the case may be.

It was a really difficult decision, one that I really didn't think about otherwise I would have waffled back and forth for, well, days, and in the end, it's really for the best, hard as it is to see that now.

On the subject of whether to apply for the writing class to be held by our sort of writer in residence, I've decided not to. Even apply, that is.

Writing is something that is so ingrained in me, it's really hard to separate the two. It's not like acting, where there's the actor me or with playing soccer, where there's this person on the field that has my body, but does things with it that, if I were probably thinking about them in any other context, I'm not sure I'd do. Things like slide-tackling a girl from behind in my own penalty box, or going head to head (almost literally) with an attacking player. This isn't like that. The Louise and writing are two very intricate, almost completely combined things.

The reason I'm not even going to apply is because I don't think I have the strength to be accepted and not actually rearrange things and take the class. I don't think I'm strong enough to just take the fact that I was accepted and go with that. For me, right now, it's better to not even apply and wonder whether I would have made it or not, rather than apply, get accepted, and force myself do not do anything about it.

This was not an easy decision, but one of those that you make and then, maybe a few years later, think...what if?

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"The difference between life and the movies is that a script has to make sense, and life doesn't."

-Joseph L. Mankiewicz